Dwelling on the Past

     I can’t get it out of my head that Josh absolutely could care less. He hasn’t tried to contact me or anything. Nothing. Nothing. It’s very sad that I manage to always find ‘friends’ like that. I just will not tolerate having my plans blown off for two days straight and with no answer to text messages, phone calls, or any other means of communication. I don’t need people like that in my life. They obviously don’t need my help anymore and they never intended to give any in return. A few months ago, I was extremely upset because I thought my grandpa was going to die because he had to have surgery (not going into details because I’ll never get to my point). I thought people would actually care and say something about it but no. I was lucky to get a “that’s too bad” from Josh. Then quite recently when I thought we had to put our dog (11 years in May) down. I got an “are you ok?” When I stated “no” I got an “oh” and then it was back to everyone but me. I don’t know what’s wrong with people. I hardly ever talk about myself and then when I do, everyone acts like I never spoke to begin with. No, I’m not handling that anymore. Everyone is too selfish and I always do better alone than with someone. I just want to know why, after everything I do for people, they completely disregard everything about me. They’re users and selfish people, I know, but why do I always have to be friends with them? Why can’t I meet someone who’s actually and genuinely decent? Not perfect, but decent. I guess there are none of those people left in the world either.

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