College

     Well, Kelly decided to throw in one more punch. He’s trying to make it very clear that I will not be starting college on this coming May 2nd but rather that I will be starting March 28th of 2012, if at all. I cannot express how extremely livid I am at the moment. Kelly is now claiming “I have no money, I have no money” yet again yet he continues to go karaoking (two-hour trip there and back each time) with gas up to $4+ and spends $15-20 on food. He always complains that he’s in pain yet he can’t NOT go karaoking to save money for the chiropractor. I knew this would be incredibly difficult and with his mommy starting to cut him short on everything, he’s feeling trapped. Puh-lease! He has more than enough money to get by with everything. It’s amazing that he’s whining that he won’t be able to go out every frickin’ day of the week when my mom and I NEVER get to go anywhere. He’s a real selfish s.o.b. and it’s quite comical that after I swore I would never go to college and I’ve finally turned around and changed my mind, he’s saying “absolutely not! I can’t afford that!” His mommy won’t help pay for college because I won’t go to a community one. I’ve already picked out the college, picked the course, and planned which Degrees I’m getting at what time. I knew that I could not count on him but still. Since he’s screwed up my life so badly (but not irreparably), the least he could do is pay for my college, right? Wrong. Kelly believes that he has absolutely no obligation to me. I’m just “collateral damage” because he hates my mom is exactly what he said. My dog is now collateral damage too seeing as he can’t spend five seconds with her anymore. My dog used to always get 97% more attention than me (the other 2% was a “hello” to my mom and a 1% of a “hello” to me once a week if I got lucky). That was even before any of this started. Now, there’s 98% for everyone else(mostly his mommy), 1% for mom(to settle the divorce), and 1% for my dog. Notice that I am not included in that. He does not say a word to me anymore unless I forcefully stand in front of his tv or catch him(by some miracle) not on the phone(1/200) or his computer(even slimmer). Strangely enough, I’m not getting overwhelmed. I know that I can talk to one of my mom’s friends at any time I need to(kind of like seeing a psychiatrist, only she’s more of a friend(it’s sad that I can’t talk to anyone close to my age about anything because the family friend I talk to is 60 and she’s the only one that understands me so far besides my mom)). You may be wondering what happened to Josh. Well, I honestly don’t know. He kind of just dropped out of the picture again. Josh has a tendency to do that whenever he can’t handle something. It’s kind of funny that he can’t handle his own life while I can handle mine, his, and any other so-called friends’ lives. Sure, I get stressed out and snap every so often, but the amount of times that happens are getting fewer. All I have to do is use logic. I know where I want to go in life, I know it will be hell to get there, and I’m accepting that I won’t have any help to do so. I more than likely will not have kindred spirits (thank you, Anne of Green Gables) to cross my path in life and to inspire me to keep moving forward. All I’ll have is me. Why? Because I’m different from other people. It’s called being a good person. You know, the way the Christians are supposed to behave. I don’t believe in “higher beings” anymore. It’s all science. I do believe that strange things happen for reasons and sometimes things can’t be explained (yet) but the outcome is always for the better, no matter what happens. As much as we’d like to change certain aspects about our lives, it’s not going to happen on the turn of a dime and we most definitely cannot change the past. We can forge a better future for ourselves though. The way I see my friend issue is that if my so-called friends cannot respect me, then there will be no one to disrespect me. I know I repeat myself sometimes on here when I blog but you know what? Repeating oneself helps remind oneself that everything is not completely hopeless. While everyone else has a god on their side, in my opinion I have something far better: faith in myself. ;p

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