It’s been four weeks since we lost Sassy and it’s not any easier. I still catch myself making sure I don’t step on her when I come out of the kitchen, I look for her after I come home from a drive, and I keep going to change out the water in her dish before remembering. It’s really difficult and it makes me upset when people say “just get another dog.” Those people don’t understand and they never will. She wasn’t just a dog. She was/is family. She was with me when we moved to a different state, through all those times we moved to different houses, through the divorce, through my 18th birthday, when I got the news that I was going to be published, and much more in between. After four weeks, it still feels like yesterday.
So my latest battles consist of several things. Starting with why I was in the hospital a couple days ago. I was having stomach pains for about eight days and the last day was so bad that I absolutely had to go. My mom believed it to be appendicitis because I had all of the symptoms. I ended up getting my first IV(which royally sucked!) and turns out that I passed a kidney stone. Next problem was that it’s hereditary and has nothing to do with me eating too much salt. Yay. Second battle is, of course, my father. He texts me and I actually respond(shocker there). Then, a couple of weeks later, he demands to know why I’m not speaking to him and blames me for not communicating. First of all, he said he would check in with me every other day and it’s not like I want to talk to him anyway. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be in my life and that he’s never going to make a real effort so why should I even bother? So there’s that situation. Then there’s the fact that it’s been exactly three weeks since my dog died and it still feels like the entire situation occurred only yesterday. I’m having some trouble with that. Other than meeting the occasional nimrods and jerks online or in real life, I’m doing pretty good. My first book will be published by the end of the summer which accomplishes my goal of getting published in 2012. My artist is fantastic and my editor thoroughly goes over everything with me. That part of my life is going very well and I’ve got a good head start on Book Two. I’d start writing part of Book Three at this point but since there’s no thirty-year difference between books this time, that’s not going to happen. I’m hoping to have Book Two completed by October 2013. If it’s not finished by then, no big deal. It took me about two years to write the last one, lol. 495 pages. 😀 Well, that’s about all that’s going on around here. Have a good weekend.
Today is just one of those days where everything I do feels wrong and I feel like I’m getting sick. This week has been another rollercoaster for me. I will be getting my first book published before the end of this year and everything seems to be falling into place. However, two weeks ago when it felt the same way, the next day was completely different so I’m just waiting for someone to pull the plug on this as well. I’m nervous but excited and no, critics will not get inside my head. I’m over and out for the weekend because I’m too tired to blog much at the moment.
Happy Easter, everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Saturday and slept well during the night because most people party hard today, lol. I personally can name three or four. I’m going to a small party myself with some good friends. Today will be thoroughly enjoyable and will keep me distracted, which from reading the other posts, I’ll really need. Once we’re thrown out of the party, I’ll need to get back to reading the “Game of Thrones” series and several other books on my kindle written by fellow writers. There’s a distraction if there ever was one. ;p I hope everyone enjoys their Easter Sunday and most importantly, stay safe.
We got Sassy’s ashes back today so it’s a bit of a relief that we got her back after only a week and another harsh reality that she really is gone. Sorry, this post isn’t very long but it’s late and I’m tired. Tomorrow we are going to be spending a few hours with our friend’s presa canario. Since Sassy passed, our friends have been “lending” us their own dogs each day so that we don’t get completely lonely. They truly are the best people I could ever ask to know. ❤
Hey, readers. I’m still in a deep daze from everything that’s happened to me in the past week. Part of it still isn’t registering while some of it keeps catching me off guard. It’s impossible to get out of the different habits. Every time I get up, I automatically throw on clothes, go into the living room, grab Sassy’s leash, go into my mom’s room to wake Sassy up and then…remember. So passes the first tears of the day. I put the leash back and get breakfast, remembering how I used to almost always trip over her(and of the one time I literally did). I keep myself distracted during the day until my mom has to go to work and then I’m hit with the emptiness surrounding me. I drown the world out with music until I need to go eat. Before I do, I automatically go to get Sassy’s leash to take her out, remember, then put the leash back. I go get lunch and sit down to watch a show. Halfway through the show, I realize I’m thirsty so I go get a glass and fill it up with ice. I grab a handful, walk out of the kitchen expecting to see Sassy waiting for the ice…then remember and put the ice back. I continue getting my drink then finish my show. Mom finally gets home and I get up to open the door, calling Sassy…then remember. I go out and help mom with the groceries(if she has them) or just meet her halfway outside and ask her how her day went. We both get inside and remember again. Mom starts cooking dinner and I clear off the table. I walk past Sassy’s water dish and automatically pick it up, take it to the kitchen, and put fresh water in it. I go back and set it down in her dish holder before seeing if mom needs help with dinner. Then mom reminds me…We sit at the table to eat dinner. When we go to get up, we both check to see if Sassy’s in the way of our chairs and then we remember. I remember that every time I got upset(before Sassy died), she would come over and force me to pet her so that I would be distracted. She would turn her head and stare at me before licking my face like “come on. Stop crying. I’m here now.” When people say that all of this will eventually get easier, I know that it will in the way that I won’t be in the habit to pick up Sassy’s leash or constantly call her to take her outside. That in losing that, I’ll be accepting the finality of her death. I’m not afraid of truly losing her because I won’t ever. I have the powerful and vivid memories of her, all of which are made more vivid by my gift of creativity. So yes, I will never be the same as I was before the 30th of March but it was bound to happen sooner or later and I wasn’t about to have one I loved to suffer like that if there was another option. I’ll definitely still cry ten years from now but I’m better for it because she was truly the best dog I’ve ever known and it was more than a pleasure to call her mine.
Usually I blog at the beginning of every month so this post should have been yesterday and been titled “Happy April” but this month started out having to deal with the emotional toll of losing my beautiful dog. I had her for 2/3rds of my life and that’s just not something you can get over. I wish they lived as long as us because it’s not fair that we have to continue on without them after 10-15 years of being with them. So, I’m trying to get a stay-at-home job revolving around writing. I’m searching for a freelance writing job but so far, I haven’t found anything because I have to have college experience. I’m not going to pay a lot of money just to get the degree because I already know the course material. Looks like it’s back to the grooming business, if possible. It feels like five years have passed in the last two days…