In A Daze

     Hey, readers. I’m still in a deep daze from everything that’s happened to me in the past week. Part of it still isn’t registering while some of it keeps catching me off guard. It’s impossible to get out of the different habits. Every time I get up, I automatically throw on clothes, go into the living room, grab Sassy’s leash, go into my mom’s room to wake Sassy up and then…remember. So passes the first tears of the day. I put the leash back and get breakfast, remembering how I used to almost always trip over her(and of the one time I literally did). I keep myself distracted during the day until my mom has to go to work and then I’m hit with the emptiness surrounding me. I drown the world out with music until I need to go eat. Before I do, I automatically go to get Sassy’s leash to take her out, remember, then put the leash back. I go get lunch and sit down to watch a show. Halfway through the show, I realize I’m thirsty so I go get a glass and fill it up with ice. I grab a handful, walk out of the kitchen expecting to see Sassy waiting for the ice…then remember and put the ice back. I continue getting my drink then finish my show. Mom finally gets home and I get up to open the door, calling Sassy…then remember. I go out and help mom with the groceries(if she has them) or just meet her halfway outside and ask her how her day went. We both get inside and remember again. Mom starts cooking dinner and I clear off the table. I walk past Sassy’s water dish and automatically pick it up, take it to the kitchen, and put fresh water in it. I go back and set it down in her dish holder before seeing if mom needs help with dinner. Then mom reminds me…We sit at the table to eat dinner. When we go to get up, we both check to see if Sassy’s in the way of our chairs and then we remember. I remember that every time I got upset(before Sassy died), she would come over and force me to pet her so that I would be distracted. She would turn her head and stare at me before licking my face like “come on. Stop crying. I’m here now.” When people say that all of this will eventually get easier, I know that it will in the way that I won’t be in the habit to pick up Sassy’s leash or constantly call her to take her outside. That in losing that, I’ll be accepting the finality of her death. I’m not afraid of truly losing her because I won’t ever. I have the powerful and vivid memories of her, all of which are made more vivid by my gift of creativity. So yes, I will never be the same as I was before the 30th of March but it was bound to happen sooner or later and I wasn’t about to have one I loved to suffer like that if there was another option. I’ll definitely still cry ten years from now but I’m better for it because she was truly the best dog I’ve ever known and it was more than a pleasure to call her mine.

2 thoughts on “In A Daze

  1. Aww! Aris I really feel for you hunny – I still miss my little cat Star,he was so affectionate – just like a little baby,he would put his paws around my neck and cuddle me just like a human and he would stroke my face with his paw too. But he wasn’t with as long as your lovely Sassy and I can only imagine how the routine of family life with her as been terribly disrupted for you. You will never forget her, but the routine things which remind you constantly will gradually change. God Bless.
    Xx Laura xX

  2. Sounds like such a sweetheart! And thank you. It’s going to be hard for a long time and I honestly don’t want to lose the old routine because it serves as a constant reminder but everything continues on, with or without us. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment on this and blessed be. ❤ 🙂

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